No, have no fear. Even if the hamsters have recently taken control over Mexico, they do according to my sources not plan to continue their march of conquest. Having gained a firm grip over almost all of Mesoamerica, the hamsters now concentrate on building machines that will allow them to teleport the Moon. Where and why they want to teleport the Moon is as of now unknown, but a possibility is that they are planning to bring it closer to the Earth to make it easier to get there and extract the Helium-3 there. This of course is a rather dangerous operation to indulge in, as changing the Moon’s orbit will have serious consequences for life on Earth. We will not only get lighter nights; wolves will howl more ferociously, bats will be bigger to cover the same percentage of the moon when they fly past it, and we will have to change the calendar as the Moon’s orbital period will be shorter unless they slow it down as well as move it. The only of these problems which might lead to the deaths of Humans though, is the calendar problem, as the chaos following a change of calendar will lead to riots in the streets, the burning of cars in France, and cults doing mass-suicides. Then again, mass-suicide cult members are perhaps not that much of a loss.
Anyways, over to the machines. The Chinese are, as always, eager to gain new advantages in their ongoing war with New Zealand. Their newest weapon is a combined cricket- and rugby playing machine. This machine will single-handedly be able to defeat New Zealand’s cricket and rugby teams, lowering the morale of the New Zealanders enough for a naval assault and an invasion of the country to succeed. Let us all say a brief prayer for the kiwis.
The last thing I was going to write about was the issue of polo. I think it is wonderful that a sport is named after a great explorer. More sports should be named after explorers, I think Magellan would be a much better name than Ice Hockey, Eriksson is definitely a better name than Cricket, and few sports make as much confusion as American Football. Americans insist on calling it football despite it having only a remote connection to the sport with that name. I hereby change the official Dagestani name of it to Hudson, and hope other countries follow our example.
11 years ago
